Yay, another dawn bus arrival in a confusing foreign locale! Running on fumes 12 or so of us pile out of the overnight bus all heading to the same hostel. A tuk truk handles the task and when we step foot into the lobby it's complete chaos. There are probably 40 bags of varying size and description piled five deep along one wall and behind the stairs. These are all the bags of people checking in and out of this hostel TODAY. And we had arrived early.
"You can put your bags over there. Check in time is at 2," says the nice girl manning the desk. We take only our most essential gear and leave the rest in our packs- jammed as best we can into the fray. We meet a guy from Vancouver, Kenji, who is arriving the same day. We decide to rent bicycles and kill the morning by cycling down to old town and checking out the historic sights. The bicycles cost something like $1 to rent for the day. Awesome.
Right off I'm struck by how beautiful the streets are. Trees line even the main thoroughfares. It wouldn't take much to convince me we had left Vietnam.
Our bikes roll on- I'm navigating with one hand on the handlebars and one on the makeshift map volunteered by the hostel-folk. We're trying to make the old town by the way of a number of historic sites. But the heat, the ineffective map, my inability to ride a bike, and the distinct lack of breakfast beers are rendering this task nearly impossible. I give up and start navigating by gut instinct. Gut don't lie. We begin wheeling past one historic site after another. First, the ancient Phuc Kien Assembly Hall. Can't tell you much except that I'm almost certain people assembled here at some point on the time continuum.
Next we notice a temple and swing in. We arrive in time for morning prayers. No one is phased, especially us. We charge in, stealthy. The temple is beautiful. I get this of the inner courtyard. And then, we're ghosted.
Back on our bikes we've set our sights on the historic Japanese Bridge. Stores, houses, and shops whip past until suddenly I pump the brakes and we screech to an abrupt halt. The central market. "Egads gents! We're nearly right on top of the bastard!" I turn around to relish in the spoils of my discovery only to notice everyone else is still tens-of-meters away. "Balls!" I declare. When they finally arrive I say with all the grandeur I can muster, "THIS is the central market!" Blank stares.
We bang a left and make our way steadily down to the river. 'Where the hell is this damn "Japanese Bridge" anyway?' I keep asking myself. Then, suddenly, we turn a corner and there it is. It's not as impressive or Japanesey as I had been led to believe, but given its age and condition once you're actually inside it, I'm still impressed. Judging from Flange's expression, no one is more impressed than that guy.
Oh, nevermind, he just happened to notice that there is a place selling 20 cent glasses of bia hoi (fresh beer) less than 200 meters away. Thank god we have Flange around for the important cultural observations. We park the bikes and head in. I get some sort of rice dish and we try a local delicacy which is served in flower petals. Not bad but it's about 10am and I'm jonesing for a beer... or 8. And at 20 cents a glass it's high time we do some damage.
I think at one point there was 30-40 glasses for the four of us. In 40 minutes. At a total bill of less than $8. Sometimes, on a rare occasion, I really love being me.
A bit tipsy- don't worry there's not enough traffic in Hoi An to be afraid of... and even if there was there's not enough police to care- we jump back on our bikes and head up toward the hostel. When we arrive I suggest that we keep riding east to the beach and check it out. I'm greeted with a resounding yes. It's at this point I realize we may not have had bikes for that entire first portion of the story. But I'm so damned gonzo I can't tell the difference.
We eventually materialize at the beach and leave our bikes in the mandatory "garage" that charges us a paltry fee. Another tourist shakedown but one I can live with. We scope out the beach- it's way more beautiful than Nha Trang and the locals are much more friendly. Albeit the beer prices are slightly more but something I'd gladly sacrifice for not having to hear "HAARRRRRROOOO!!" every minute or two.
Even Jon seems impressed by this beach in contrast to the beaches of Nha Trang.
After scoping out the scene we decide to head back to the hostel to check in and get our long-awaited showers. On the way back I enter into one of my classic haggling scenarios with a tremendously funny and curmudgeonly Vietnamese woman. In the end I emerge victorious and secure us four beers at the bargain rate we were hoping for.
As I recall the rest of the night is more or less uninteresting. The following day is a cloudy and rainy. Jon and I start making our way toward the beach but are ultimately discouraged by the weather. We return to the hostel and decide to change into swimsuits and relax by the pool in the event that the weather should turn for the better. For the past several days Jon has been suffering from stomach and intestinal distress. "You're not drinking enough man," I offer. "You need strong spirits to cleanse your system." After some prodding I get him to order a Long Island Iced Tea.
After another of those for him and a host of things for me, we meet up with Kenji and a guy we come to call Rob n Roll. Jon and I decide it's time for a new bet. The bet involves swimming from one end of the pool to the other, emerging and slamming a shot of tequila, and then swimming the entire rest of the way back underwater. First to touch at the end wins. Considering I'm a much better swimmer than Jon, I think I've got this in the bag.
We get to the shot and when I pop my head up we are neck and neck but I'm a bit away from my shot. I down it and am back in the water a split second after Jon. Thinking he will choke I put in about 70% effort swimming back to the other end. To my horror I emerge to see that Jon has bested me. "Where did that come from?!" I shout. I'm equally impressed and embarrassed. I demand an immediate rematch and this round's shot will be rum. This time I'm well ahead of him to the first wall and pounding the shot. But instead of coasting I power through. I pop up ahead of him by a slimmer margin than I would have liked but I feel vindicated settling the score.
We spend a few more hours chilling at the pool and then decide to head back down to the riverside for dinner and another round of cheap bia hoi. On our way out of the restaurant it starts raining and we duck into another bar. We're soon approached by a woman with a sack of clay flutes. Each flute represents a zodiac calendar animal. She starts wheeling and dealing for 1/2/3 flutes. I cut her off. "How much for the entire sack?" She throws out a number like $5. I counteroffer $4 and a deal is struck. I am suddenly the proud owner of around 25 clay flutes. Honestly I never bother counting.
Back at the hostel I go into hustler mode. I'm wheeling and dealing these ridiculous clay flutes. In the end I more than triple my investment, curry favor with many lovely ladies, and manage to get Kenji to give me all his passport photos signed "Justin Bieber" or "Julius Peppers" as well as commit to doing a pencil sketch profile of Jon and I. Kenji is the best so I ended up giving him back enough of his passport photos to complete his trip. The rest I keep as souvenirs or, if you're a Justin Bieber enthusiast, legit autographed photos of JBeebs available for purchase at a reasonable price.
At some point later in the evening there is a big push at the hostel to go to a club in old town and possibly bowling. Knowing what both of those will entail, Jon and I elect to hang with our newly found crew at the hostel. The rest of the night goes by in a blur except to say I end up back in the pool around midnight competing in a "craziest dive" contest of sorts. It's a long night and at some point I make my way back to our room (thankfully on the first floor) to pass out.
The next morning Jon, Kenji, and I eat our breakfast (a rarity for me) and prepare for our trip up to Ha Noi. We've booked passage on an overnight train from Da Nang to Ha Noi and the corresponding bus to take us the 40 minutes from Hoi An to Da Nang. About an hour before the bus is due to pick us up Jon decides to get a massage. Are you seeing a pattern here?
Sure enough the bus driver arrives to collect us and Jon is no where in sight. I send Kenji east and I head west in search of him. Thankfully his timing was on-the-money for this endeavor as within minutes of our bus being due to leave we spot him heading toward the hostel. I tell Jon he's got to start getting his massages on any day other than a departure day. The drive through Da Nang is great- why is no one going to this place? I instantly wish I could have undone Saigon and Nha Trang and spent all of our time between Hoi An and Da Nang.
Prior to boarding the train, Kenji, Jon and I stock up on the requisite booze and we all acquire banh mi (Vietnamese sub sandwiches). Inside the train the bed's are beyond cramped. I'm in a middle bunk and I can't even sit 2/3 of the way up. I have to shimmy my way out and then drop down.
We decide to take a pack of cards, the booze, and our glowing personalities to the dining car. We get about 15 minutes of cards in before the train crew remands us to our quarters. We try to replicate the game there for a while but eventually the rest of our bunk-mates arrive and we must retire to our beds. I pound a few drinks, drop a Cambodian blue, and pump in some tunes. I'm asleep in no time.
We roll into Ha Noi early Friday morning on the 19th of April. We've been in Asia something like 9 weeks but it already seems like 6 months. First thing on the agenda: shower. Next we round up Kenji and pour into the streets of old town. I love old towns. And Ha Noi's is an exquisite example. There are a couple of key characteristics of Ha Noi's old town. What's that you say? Photo montage?? ALRIGHT!
First- you'll see these ladies everywhere. This is the bicycle vegetable cart and the much ballyhooed "scales-of-justice" method of carrying things.
Second- anywhere is a good place for a rest. I follow this guy's lead and pass out on a dumpster for a quick power nap.
Third- the Ha Noi building code of yesteryear is the direct antecedent of the Burger King Stacker motto: "stack em high, tough guy." What is happening here, seriously?
And finally, and most importantly, you're going to see some motorbikes. You're going to see more than a few. Perhaps even a gaggle.
And when they're not on the streets- the city is kind enough to allow everyone to park them on the sidewalks.
Wow- awesome photo montage Mike! Thanks guys! Why am I always talking to myself on here? Who knows... My father once said, "only crazy people talk to themselves and laugh at nothing." HaHA... ahem.
I could just stop talking about Ha Noi right here because that's pretty much the the main things you need to know. But here are some brief highlights of what else we accomplish: a stroll around old town to find tripe (intestine) pho (admittedly not my favorite), checking out St. Joseph's Cathedral, meandering around Hoan Kiem Lake, and eventually pausing on the bridge to Ngoc Son Temple where we're photobombed by this woman:
I'm not sure what is creepier, her stance or my mustache? What is she looking at?? Strange happenings in Ha Noi. Actually, some of the photos from around the lake are worth a look on flickr.
The next day we make our way north past the Dong Xuan Market (not to be confused with the Don Juan Market), and into the French quarter filled with colonial era houses, tree lined streets, churches, lakes, a really cool pagoda, the old presidential palace, and finally we arrive at Uncle Ho's Mausoleum.
They're pretty strict about photos and lingering and basically doing anything overly touristy... which is completely nonsensical as what else is the point of erecting a gigantic mausoleum in the middle of a massive Communist-styled square if not to lure tourists for a photo-op? I did manage to get a photograph of a group of Vietnamese tourists all wearing my favorite hat- if nothing else than to prove it's not only working folk rocking that look around SE Asia. I really need to add one to my rapidly growing bizarre-cranial-accessory repertoire.
Next we march south to the acclaimed Temple of Literature. It was here the royal exams were studied for and administered. The day we arrive there is some sort of festival or party being held. From what we can make out it seems university graduation oriented.
Some of the better aspects of the temple are the giant turtle steles on which are engraved the names of those who passed the royal exams. Inside the main lecture building are a number of statues of Confucius and his disciples as well as altars to the former headmasters of the institution.
We all agree that this is the most impressive site we've seen thus far in Ha Noi. It's at this point I realize I've been abandoned by my companions and am talking to myself, again. Sigh.
The sun is starting to break through the clouds and we make for the train station to buy our final set of tickets in Vietnam- an overnight ride up to Lao Cai near the border where I've planned for Jon and I to walk overland into China. Whoo! We get our tickets and then stroll past the infamous Ha Noi Hilton which we've been cautioned to avoid for being a tourist trap. Ironic.
Back home in old town we get down to business. Kenji spots a sign for 25 cent bia hoi and we pull up stools and make ourselves at home. In short order the cards come out and we three are playing the Yugoslav card game Ron taught me way back in Ledesma, Spain over a year ago. When we stand up an hour and a half later I owe $2.50, Kenji owes $2, and Jon owes $1.50. You can do the math.
Feeling exultant, we charge our way into the crowded streets of old town in search of a cheap liquor solution to keep the party going. We eventually find one and abscond with our spoils back to the hostel where a new crew is recruited in the movie room and the party rages on. I'm feeling in the mood for a proper rampage- I'm mixing drinks, mixing it up, generally acting ridiculous... as I'm occasionally prone to do.
Jon commandeers the DVD selections and I'm hell raising. I'm feeling good. We've got cheap booze, good friends, and the incursion into China looms. I can't keep myself from thinking 'all we have to do is make it to China and everything will be fine.' I'm flying so high I refuse Jon's offer for KFC- lauding my new-found liquid-only diet. At some point I fall asleep during, and appropriately, the Brad Neely Harry Potter/Wizard People Dear Reader mash up. The remainder of the night fades from my consciousness.
The next morning we bid a temporary farewell to Ha Noi. We've booked an overnight boat cruise in and around Ha Long Bay, one of Vietnam's premier attractions, and incidentally another bucket list item for me. We're picked up early in the morning and rushed out of town via cramped bus. I'm simply not built for these Asian-people sized vehicles. My femurs are longer than most people's legs here. On the way out I spot a dude smoking a peculiar looking two-foot long pipe but he sets it down just as I photograph him. I don't know what he's smoking but at least he's wearing a helmet.
We make the requisite stop at a cheap-tourist-trap type rest stop before eventually arriving at the Ha Long Bay docks. The bay is filled with boats dropping off passengers from the prior day's cruise and picking up new ones. It's an impressive racket they are running down here; Frank Reynolds would be proud.
Our cruise has two major actionable items aside from cruising around the bay itself and eating dinner, breakfast, and a lunch: (1) hiking in the Thien Cung grotto and caves; and (2) a stop at the floating village to kayak and stand around twiddling our thumbs. The caves themselves are pretty interesting- illuminated with a plethora of colored lights- and certainly a surprise from what we were anticipating with the cruise. Also, our time spelunking allows the skies a chance to start clearing up.
Upon emerging from the caverns Flange demands a photo of the island's bay and all the tourist boats moored along its shore.
Back aboard, the boat sails through the archipelago. Everyone is taking photos and Jon is working the camera into overdrive. Even with the cloud cover it's beautiful. With the slight haze, it's almost even more breathtaking than it might be on a clear day.
Ultimately we arrive at the floating village. The views from the boat are remarkable. This photo tells it better than I can.
Not enough? You need more archipelago? Here's the rest of the bay facing away from the village.
Enough of this beautiful island gobbelty-gook. Let's do some kayaking! Jon and I strap on our not-so-sea-worthy-looking life jackets, or attempt to strap them on as best as the broken clips allow, and hit the waters. We make right for a rock outcropping and deftly paddle under it. We're the biggest bosses this floating village has seen thus far.
I can already sense that the few of you out there still reading this post are divided. Some of you want a close up photo of one of these floating houses. Others of you want to see a confused-looking dude in my favorite SE Asian style hat. And finally, others of you just want me to post whatever photos I'm going to post and end this absurdly long entry so you can get back to your post-lunch-hour work or other task you're not looking forward to doing but have to accomplish none-the-less. So... for all of you dear readers:
First- you'll see these ladies everywhere. This is the bicycle vegetable cart and the much ballyhooed "scales-of-justice" method of carrying things.
Second- anywhere is a good place for a rest. I follow this guy's lead and pass out on a dumpster for a quick power nap.
Third- the Ha Noi building code of yesteryear is the direct antecedent of the Burger King Stacker motto: "stack em high, tough guy." What is happening here, seriously?
And finally, and most importantly, you're going to see some motorbikes. You're going to see more than a few. Perhaps even a gaggle.
And when they're not on the streets- the city is kind enough to allow everyone to park them on the sidewalks.
Wow- awesome photo montage Mike! Thanks guys! Why am I always talking to myself on here? Who knows... My father once said, "only crazy people talk to themselves and laugh at nothing." HaHA... ahem.
I could just stop talking about Ha Noi right here because that's pretty much the the main things you need to know. But here are some brief highlights of what else we accomplish: a stroll around old town to find tripe (intestine) pho (admittedly not my favorite), checking out St. Joseph's Cathedral, meandering around Hoan Kiem Lake, and eventually pausing on the bridge to Ngoc Son Temple where we're photobombed by this woman:
I'm not sure what is creepier, her stance or my mustache? What is she looking at?? Strange happenings in Ha Noi. Actually, some of the photos from around the lake are worth a look on flickr.
The next day we make our way north past the Dong Xuan Market (not to be confused with the Don Juan Market), and into the French quarter filled with colonial era houses, tree lined streets, churches, lakes, a really cool pagoda, the old presidential palace, and finally we arrive at Uncle Ho's Mausoleum.
They're pretty strict about photos and lingering and basically doing anything overly touristy... which is completely nonsensical as what else is the point of erecting a gigantic mausoleum in the middle of a massive Communist-styled square if not to lure tourists for a photo-op? I did manage to get a photograph of a group of Vietnamese tourists all wearing my favorite hat- if nothing else than to prove it's not only working folk rocking that look around SE Asia. I really need to add one to my rapidly growing bizarre-cranial-accessory repertoire.
Next we march south to the acclaimed Temple of Literature. It was here the royal exams were studied for and administered. The day we arrive there is some sort of festival or party being held. From what we can make out it seems university graduation oriented.
Some of the better aspects of the temple are the giant turtle steles on which are engraved the names of those who passed the royal exams. Inside the main lecture building are a number of statues of Confucius and his disciples as well as altars to the former headmasters of the institution.
We all agree that this is the most impressive site we've seen thus far in Ha Noi. It's at this point I realize I've been abandoned by my companions and am talking to myself, again. Sigh.
The sun is starting to break through the clouds and we make for the train station to buy our final set of tickets in Vietnam- an overnight ride up to Lao Cai near the border where I've planned for Jon and I to walk overland into China. Whoo! We get our tickets and then stroll past the infamous Ha Noi Hilton which we've been cautioned to avoid for being a tourist trap. Ironic.
Back home in old town we get down to business. Kenji spots a sign for 25 cent bia hoi and we pull up stools and make ourselves at home. In short order the cards come out and we three are playing the Yugoslav card game Ron taught me way back in Ledesma, Spain over a year ago. When we stand up an hour and a half later I owe $2.50, Kenji owes $2, and Jon owes $1.50. You can do the math.
Feeling exultant, we charge our way into the crowded streets of old town in search of a cheap liquor solution to keep the party going. We eventually find one and abscond with our spoils back to the hostel where a new crew is recruited in the movie room and the party rages on. I'm feeling in the mood for a proper rampage- I'm mixing drinks, mixing it up, generally acting ridiculous... as I'm occasionally prone to do.
Jon commandeers the DVD selections and I'm hell raising. I'm feeling good. We've got cheap booze, good friends, and the incursion into China looms. I can't keep myself from thinking 'all we have to do is make it to China and everything will be fine.' I'm flying so high I refuse Jon's offer for KFC- lauding my new-found liquid-only diet. At some point I fall asleep during, and appropriately, the Brad Neely Harry Potter/Wizard People Dear Reader mash up. The remainder of the night fades from my consciousness.
The next morning we bid a temporary farewell to Ha Noi. We've booked an overnight boat cruise in and around Ha Long Bay, one of Vietnam's premier attractions, and incidentally another bucket list item for me. We're picked up early in the morning and rushed out of town via cramped bus. I'm simply not built for these Asian-people sized vehicles. My femurs are longer than most people's legs here. On the way out I spot a dude smoking a peculiar looking two-foot long pipe but he sets it down just as I photograph him. I don't know what he's smoking but at least he's wearing a helmet.
We make the requisite stop at a cheap-tourist-trap type rest stop before eventually arriving at the Ha Long Bay docks. The bay is filled with boats dropping off passengers from the prior day's cruise and picking up new ones. It's an impressive racket they are running down here; Frank Reynolds would be proud.
Our cruise has two major actionable items aside from cruising around the bay itself and eating dinner, breakfast, and a lunch: (1) hiking in the Thien Cung grotto and caves; and (2) a stop at the floating village to kayak and stand around twiddling our thumbs. The caves themselves are pretty interesting- illuminated with a plethora of colored lights- and certainly a surprise from what we were anticipating with the cruise. Also, our time spelunking allows the skies a chance to start clearing up.
Upon emerging from the caverns Flange demands a photo of the island's bay and all the tourist boats moored along its shore.
Back aboard, the boat sails through the archipelago. Everyone is taking photos and Jon is working the camera into overdrive. Even with the cloud cover it's beautiful. With the slight haze, it's almost even more breathtaking than it might be on a clear day.
Ultimately we arrive at the floating village. The views from the boat are remarkable. This photo tells it better than I can.
Not enough? You need more archipelago? Here's the rest of the bay facing away from the village.
Enough of this beautiful island gobbelty-gook. Let's do some kayaking! Jon and I strap on our not-so-sea-worthy-looking life jackets, or attempt to strap them on as best as the broken clips allow, and hit the waters. We make right for a rock outcropping and deftly paddle under it. We're the biggest bosses this floating village has seen thus far.
I can already sense that the few of you out there still reading this post are divided. Some of you want a close up photo of one of these floating houses. Others of you want to see a confused-looking dude in my favorite SE Asian style hat. And finally, others of you just want me to post whatever photos I'm going to post and end this absurdly long entry so you can get back to your post-lunch-hour work or other task you're not looking forward to doing but have to accomplish none-the-less. So... for all of you dear readers:
Bladow! And...
Ka-pow! And for those of you who want me to post the pictures and speed this up... After our kayaking adventure we return to the boat where we chill above deck for the remainder of our cruise- Vietnamese flag flying proudly in the breeze.
From here I test out the panorama function of my new phone.
And then the sun sets over Ha Long Bay.
We retire for dinner and then make our way back to the room. We're shot and I know it's going to be a restless night in that boat with the heat, humidity, and no A/C. Not to mention the beers (at $3 a pop) are outrageously priced so we're trying to sleep in the throes of sobriety. Barf.
The next morning we emerge from our cabin tired and ready for landfall. The boat eases its way back around the bay toward the docks. I get a nice panorama from the deck of our clear-ish morning.
On land a new smaller bus deposits us at some joint in a small town a few miles from the docks. We're to have lunch and wait here for our bus from yesterday to finish dropping off the new crop of tourists and pick us up from the town to head back to Ha Noi. Great racket right? Everything is timed down to the minute.
We board the bus and Jon engages in a preposterous discussion with two Vietnamese girls at the back of the bus. I'm in no mood for such antics so I pop in my headphones and zone out, pretending not to overhear some of the more ludicrous claims of these girls, one of which being that there is no such thing as homosexuals. Ok Vietnam...
By the time we roll into Ha Noi I desperately need a drink. Jon and I seek out a nearby "Irish Pub" but are ultimately, and not surprisingly, disappointed. Eventually we find a local spot proffering a delicious sandwich and decent beer. We retire early and the use the next day as a kill day. That night we cab our way to the train station and board the overnight train to Lao Cai.
At the station some "train official" attempts to scam me into taking the earlier train but I'm in no mood for her shenanigans and tell her to bugger off. We buy chips, beer, and soda. The train boards on time, our cabin is nice, our bunk-mates quiet, and I drift off into a peaceful sleep. I know that when we awake we'll be within walking distance of China. I couldn't be happier.
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