Amsterdam, Netherlands: (Not) A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

When I sent my father an email telling him I was in Amsterdam, the response I got back was "watch out for all that vice in Amsterdam..." In this particular instance I'm not sure if he was telling me to watch out to avoid it or watch out to capitalize on it, but the idea that Amsterdam is a city of immeasurable sin seems to be the prevailing view these days. 

A city rife with alcohol, soft drugs, prostitution, and rampant homosexuals. And while all that may be true to a degree, it's also a charming city with a host of other things to occupy your time other than vice. Similar to almost anything in life, it's a choose your own level of involvement affair. Just because you're in Bangkok doesn't mean you have to go to a ping pong show. In my personal opinion that's a part of the "allure," (if you want to call it that, maybe "experience" is better) but there is a ton of awesome other stuff to do aside from that element. The same goes for Amsterdam. I mean, look at this train station, does it look like the entrance to a city of debauchery?

Recently, someone was telling me about a political campaign advertisement they saw in the US about why gays shouldn't be allowed to get married. In the commercial, whoever it was standing against gay marriage rights made the analogy that, if gay marriage passed, the United States would become a hotbed of homosexuality like Amsterdam, bringing on an apocalypse of fashionable dress, dancing, saucy attitudes, and ecstatic flamboyancy. 

Besides the obvious absurdity of this statement, and not to mention that allowing a group of people to become legally bound to others would naturally seem to decrease the "reckless" behavior the advertisement seems to fear, the comparison is simply not true and frankly an affront to gay people and the city of Amsterdam, as well as the sensibility of ordinary Americans who respect and honor the rights of all and don't believe in shameless bigotry. Anyway, sorry to get a bit preachy but blatant ignorance annoys me.

Before I dive into the post, however, I'll provide a brief primer on the items above as I don't want you to feel unfulfilled dear reader. Most people think marijuana is legal in Amsterdam. That's not technically true. It's decriminalized. It's legal to possess, use, sell, and buy it up to a certain amount (5 grams I think). You have to buy it at a "coffee shop" which actually does sell coffee but cannot sell alcohol. You may be thinking, "well if it's illegal to buy more than 5 grams, how do the coffee shops get their supply?" Someone once told me their explanation is that the supply is "magically delivered" to their backdoor at night. At least it's creative.

Some other soft drugs are legal including hallucinogenic mushrooms but since I'm allergic to mushrooms I've never even bothered to ask what the deal was with them.  Finally, prostitution is legal in Amsterdam but it's very heavily regulated. All "workers" have to apply and pass regular health exams administered by the government. They pay a flat fee for their "booth" per day and charge a base fee but are free to charge additional amounts at their discretion. So, if you go to Amsterdam and you're looking to really dig in, now you're prepared at a base level.

So while Amsterdam certainly does have its fair share of alternative activities should you choose those avenues, so does nearly every other city in the world- most on a much seedier level than Amsterdam which does things cleanly, safely, and out in the open. But I wasn't here to delve into or crusade against the more "colorful" aspects of Amsterdam, I was here first and foremost to see my friend Abi from graduate school and her husband Wes, both fellow Tar Heels. Whoo hoo!

First just let me say they were fantastic and gracious hosts. They put me up for 6 nights on an extremely comfortable bed and provided me a key so I could come and go as I pleased. The first night we were there they took me to get Indonesian food, something I had never tried before... perhaps one of the only Asian cuisines I haven't tried. Since Indonesia was a Dutch colony, they imported the cuisine back to the motherland, and the specialty of this cuisine is called "rice table." 

As you can see from the photo, it's a massive array of small dishes (generally for 2, 3, or 4 people) that comes with a big bowl of rice and host of seasonings and sauces. When they laid the spread in front of me I'll admit I was both confused and intimidated. I let Wes lead the way and we marched dish to dish becoming gradually fuller, each dish seemingly increasingly delicious. I couldn't tell you what all of the dishes were but there wasn't a single one that I didn't really like, and there were some that were flat out amazing. But, I'll let this photo show how much I really enjoyed it.

Happiness. On the way home I saw a curious sight. The Amsterdam police had set up a DUI patrol on the main road to Abi & Wes' apartment. Only, it was unlike any DUI patrol I've ever seen. First, it was apparently sponsored by Red Bull as indicated by the Red Bull-mobile and reps running around with those little cans of jet fuel. Second, after the breathalyzer was administered to a driver, the officer and driver would both laugh heartily after which the driver would be handed a Red Bull and sent along his/her marry way. I couldn't stop laughing at this...

Unfortunately it didn't really come out great but the person leaning into the window was handing the driver a Red Bull. Anyway, we went to the grocery store and purchased some stroopwafels (thin waffels between a layer of caramel) which we ended up eating over the course of the next several days. 

The following morning was Saturday and it was a beautiful day so I decided to take a walk. As you've undoubtedly heard, the most remarkable and well known feature of Amsterdam are the series of concentric canals, complete with a ceaseless series of similar looking bridges and buildings. 

I'll admit it looks lovely but it's confusing as hell, especially when you get to the area of the rings. Because the canals are in a concentric circular formation, if you are walking away from the center and are one or two streets left or right of where you need to be, with each step further you get proportionally further away from the street you need to be on. After 3-4 blocks, your 1 block mistake now requires you to walk 4-5 blocks over. Having been to Amsterdam before I figured I would be able to avoid this, but nope, it happened nearly every time I went out.

My goal was to get to the outdoor Saturday market near the main train station. I eventually found it but tragically I couldn't find the hot stroopwafel booth, however, I did end up buying a block of cheese out of a feeling of obligation to the nice lady at the cheese stand. With block of cheese in hand, I made my way to the south of the main island of the city to track down a shop called Posthumus which sells wax seals. I'd been eying these up since 2009 when I last visited Amsterdam, and I was overjoyed that I was able to relocate it.

The last time I was here it was closed. This time it was open. Yet, tragedy would rear its ugly head again as they were completely ransacked of inventory. The next inventory drop was expected to come right around the time I'm leaving Europe. DAMN YOU POSTHUMUS! All hope wasn't lost however as my constant chatter about wax seals piqued Wes' interest and he agreed to check the place out for the seal I want sometime after the Thanksgiving holiday. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Just in case you're wondering, the canals surround the small island that forms the main part of the city like a U. The little streets in that main central area are a bit tight and if you pay attention and get a little bit lucky you'll stumble on the best place to get pommes frites (french fries) in Amsterdam.

The one thing I don't like about these fries are the choice of sauces. The ketchup is too sweet and the mustard is not spicy. Even the garlic sauce is sweet. The Dutch love sweet sauce. So this time, I opted for the spicy Samurai sauce usually reserved for a late night kebab run. It's ok in small portions when cutting through the meaty greasy innards of a kebab, but dalloped on fries is just too much. Most of the sauce went in the garbage but the frites were great!

Anyway, the rest of my afternoon consisted of strolling around the canals and ultimately relaxing in the Vondelpark near Abi & Wes' apartment. Since it was the only day when it didn't rain during my time in Amsterdam, here are some more nice shots of the canals in glorious sunshine:

This one I particularly like:

And some odd hexagonal planters in the Vondelpark which were surprisingly difficult to walk around. No one could seem to master them, myself included.

That night I joined Abi and Wes and their friends for an excellent Italian meal and afterwards I met up with Rick who was in town after visiting with a friend in Denmark for a few days. Right before I was due to meet him, I got a message from Mati (from way back in Porto- I LOVE my Porto friends) who was coming into Amsterdam with Reino. 

They met us near one of the main bar districts and we made a night of it. It was my first real night going out in Amsterdam and it was also the main Halloween celebration night for the city. We ended up in this tiny little bar packed with people where the bartender, between pouring drinks, was doing karaoke to the songs blasting out from the DJ. I got up to my old tricks and made us some friends with a group of Dutch girls studying in Amsterdam. 

At some point we lost Rick and, since it was approaching 3am, Mati and Reino suggested we make for the biggest club in that part of town. We went in, paid the cover, and were never tipped to what was going on that night. When we got inside we came to discover the club was rented out for the biggest gayest Halloween bash of all time. Haha. Thank goodness the film crew for that political ad wasn't in the building that night- they would have had a field day. In all it was very fun very gay Halloween, but by a little after 4 I had to call it a night. I got the report the next day that Mati and Reino rode the party to another bar and into the sunrise. Bravo gentlemen. 

The next day was rainy and windy and I was exhausted and a bit worse for the wear. I ended up spending most of the day chilling in my comfy bed getting some true R&R. Later in the afternoon, Wes took me to get a kebab at what he deemed the best kebab in Amsterdam (and I certainly couldn't argue there). When we arrived it wasn't open yet so we headed up the street to the oliebollen stand. 

Oliebollen is a Dutch holiday treat, but in the states they are more commonly known as donuts. Only these don't have holes, are somehow more greasy, and are usually coated in powdered sugar (although custard filled, chocolate, strawberry, and other flavors are available as well). I opted for a custard and chocolate one and nearly finished it before suffering a mild stroke. If you're going to do it, might as well go big right?

We staggered our way back to the kebab place and Wes proved to be prophetic as the kebab was so tasty I forgot to take a photograph. When we got back to the apartment I had an email from Rick saying he had an extra ticket to the Hot Chip show that night. In case you are unaware Hot Chip is an electronic band from London. I wasn't too familiar with them but I had heard some tracks in Berlin which sufficiently fired me up for the show.

The opening band didn't show so Hot Chip ended up playing a bit of an extended set which I think everyone would have preferred anyway.  I wish I could remember the names of the tracks I really liked- I'll have to look them up and post. Anyway, here is my favorite shot. Namaste.

After the show, I made a comment to this one girl about her jacket and we ended up going for drinks with her and her friend. They knew a really cool little bar nearby and we opted for the strong La Chouffe Belgian beers. A few rounds of these were succeeded by a few rounds of silly photos, one of my favorites of which was this:

I think Rick was smelling her hair. He actin' a fool. Eventually we parted ways but since it was too late for the tram I had to walk back to the apartment... again! Damn you early ending trams! The next day I decided it was high time to visit the Vincent Van Gogh Museum, except, that museum is currently closed until sometime next year. Not to deny the influx of tourist money, however, they set up a makeshift (some might say jackleg) exhibit at the Hermitage Museum. So... I went there. 

Annoyingly there was a no photos policy that was strictly enforced by an overabundance of security personnel. So the only shots I got were the outside and this weird room in between the Van Gogh wing and the impressionist wing. What is everyone staring at?

That night I took it easy and the next day I got my tourist on and went to Utrecht during the day and Haarlem at night to visit my Estonian friends. Those adventures will be covered in a separate post. The following day, Wednesday, was Halloween proper and Rick and I decided to take on the city that evening. The day portion, however, I devoted entirely to R&R. With the exception of a shower and making some lunch I don't think I left the bed until about 5pm. It was a great day.

I met Rick in the central part of town and before getting after it we grabbed some dinner at this place called BurgerBar which makes the best burgers in Amsterdam according to his guidebook. It's not Shake Shack but I'll acquiesce BurgerBar makes a handsome burger and fries. They also gave me a luxuriously indulgent blue cheese dipping sauce. My oh my.

While we ate we witnessed a guy get the cops called on him for causing a scene over his burger coming with bacon. He wanted a full refund and they would only refund him the bacon or something. It was pretty funny watching someone hauled off in a cop car over a burger. Sated, we headed to the north part of town to check out the bars/scene there and ultimately did the customary stroll through the red light district. In all it was a relatively calm night for Halloween- the ghosts and ghouls must have been all partied out from Saturday.

I don't think we made it out much later than 2, although just late enough for me to have to walk back AGAIN! In all Amsterdam was a great time. While I didn't quite dive headlong into the cesspool of sin that everyone claims it is, I did finally get a chance to sample some of the bars which were fun but nothing extraordinary. The best part of my time in Amsterdam was akin to the best part of all cities- spending time with good friends like Abi, Wes, Rick, Mati, and Reino. 

Next up I was off to Rotterdam which would be my base of operations for three days while I explored that city as well as Den Haag (The Hague) and Kinderdjik. Bonus photo: me looking tired/intimidating on my last night in Amsterdam. Or tired and intimidatingly dashing! Or like I was about to rob someone's apartment, ha.