So in preparing for this type of endeavor, I've been thinking about what types of gear I will need to make the most of the adventure (and ensure that I won't freeze to death or other such gruesome misfortune). Below is a preliminary list that I think will apply to all intrepid travelers such as myself setting out on a similar journey:
1. Good hiking/trekking shoes: When planning to be on your feet for several months on end, nothing is more important than acquiring the right pair of shoes. They should be light, comfortable, durable, preferably waterproof, and most importantly NOT sandals. I love sandals at least as much as the next chap, but the last thing you want is to be hiking through the woods and step on a venomous snake which promptly sinks its fangs into your exposed foot. Or alternatively, passing out after a night of heavy drinking in a foreign city only to awaken to a local hobo mistaking your dirt encrusted foot as a discarded turkey leg.
2. A Pack: With a background of five years of business traveling, it's naturally tempting to envision an experience on this trip similar to the countless journeys to Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas, or middle-of-nowhere-Missouri. Simply throw your belongings haphazardly into a rolling bag and let the local taxi drivers whisk you away to your awaiting hotel for a hot shower and a cocktail before mealtime. Unfortunately, this expedition does not come with room service or unlimited free taxis- so the travel package of choice must be inherently portable on all types of terrain. Carrying a rolling bag is going to produce difficulties similar to this Miller Lite commercial. And, like in the commercial, you will most assuredly come across at least three equipped young gentlemen to laugh at your misfortune. Accordingly, a pack is the necessary outfitting here- comfortable, waterproof, durable, and most importantly, the right size to accommodate all necessary belongings (such as clothes, toiletries, food and water, phone, computer, and of course your collection of vintage porn magazines).
3. Foreign Language Phrase Dictionary: Preferably in the language of the country you are visiting, but in a pinch any language will do. I've had great success in the past speaking the wrong language but in the general accent of the language you wish to achieve. Try it with Spanish in an Italian accent or Portuguese in a French accent. Regardless of the language you choose, the most important thing is to be able to say common phrases such as "where is the bathroom?", "how much is this?", "please, thank you", "you are a very sexy lady, can I buy you a drink and another drink and a taxi to my hostel?", "don't you have anything stronger than a beer, I've got a hangover for christsake!", or "hello. my name is Inigo Montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die."
4. Jacket & Sleeping Bag: I combine these two items because of a single aforementioned imperative- the need for warmth. I have made this critical error once before while camping in Wyoming. When I embarked from North Carolina it was a balmy 90 degrees- certainly I wouldn't be needing a jacket in the middle of August... well except for the trivial and oft overlooked detail of topography. The temperature is generally colder the closer you get to the sun? Impossible! Nope, possible. Accordingly, it is critical to carry a warm comfortable (and preferably layered) jacket as well as a sleeping bag appropriate for a wide range of temperatures just in case you, like my ghost of camping past, are an idiot and forget that mountains are cold.
5. Computer: This serves three purposes. One, and most obviously, it allows you to keep in touch with friends and family members as well as former work colleagues to periodically remind them that you are still in fact no longer employed with the company and plan to continue to enjoy your transient retirement. Two, if you happen to have a travel blog with a litany (or in my case maybe just one) follower(s), it is important to have the necessary access to update them on all the interesting things you are doing- such as a photo of the muffin I ate for breakfast, or a recounting of my adventures visiting the most cliche of tourist attractions, or a description of the woes that befall me such a blister on my toe or getting rained on or waking up to a hobo licking my feet. Finally, and most importantly of course, you'll need a computer to access your backup archives should something unfortunate happen to your collection of vintage porn.
6. Beard: An underrated element to be sure, but one that should not be overlooked by the discerning traveler. A beard tells people several things. One, that you either don't own a razor or are too lazy to use it. Two, that you've likely been traveling for a while and are thereby a crafty seasoned traveling vet. Three, because of your presumed status, you are likely to order interesting foods and cocktails and know a host of obscure places to have an outstanding time. And finally, a beard tells people "this man has a story to tell" which will be immensely important when effectuating item 7 below. Also- beards will keep your face warm outside of your sleeping bag and can be shaved off in a pinch if you find yourself suddenly at odds with, and being pursued by, the authorities.
7. Passport and a Story: Perhaps the most quintessentially important thing you need for any trip abroad is a passport. For those unaware, a passport is a little book issued at a ridiculous fee over an excruciatingly long period of time by the government of your home country. It contains your name, picture, other various information about you, and most critically, usually prevents you from being detained, interrogated, strip searched, deported, or all of the above when you reach your foreign destination. Many so-called travel gurus will advise you to make copies of your passport and keep them both on you in paper form as well as accessible electronically should anything go awry. I also like to recommend having one, or several if you like, backup stories to tell to the authorities to help ease your transition into or out of a country. One of my old favorites for the southern coast of Spain is "I had volunteered as a spotter for pirates on a vessel providing relief supplies to war-ridden and famished African countries when our ship was raided and sunk off the coast of Dakar. I washed up somewhere near Mbour, Senegal without any of my belongings but was able to barter my way into a ride with a local fish merchant to El Jadida, Morocco by acquiring several large coconuts from the top of a precariously tall tree. After arriving in El Jadida I stowed away in a container ship bound for Cadiz and have made my way here on foot." Also, to add sympathy, it's never a bad idea to claim to have been delayed finding the embassy of your home country due to saving orphans from a burning building.
1. Good hiking/trekking shoes: When planning to be on your feet for several months on end, nothing is more important than acquiring the right pair of shoes. They should be light, comfortable, durable, preferably waterproof, and most importantly NOT sandals. I love sandals at least as much as the next chap, but the last thing you want is to be hiking through the woods and step on a venomous snake which promptly sinks its fangs into your exposed foot. Or alternatively, passing out after a night of heavy drinking in a foreign city only to awaken to a local hobo mistaking your dirt encrusted foot as a discarded turkey leg.
2. A Pack: With a background of five years of business traveling, it's naturally tempting to envision an experience on this trip similar to the countless journeys to Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas, or middle-of-nowhere-Missouri. Simply throw your belongings haphazardly into a rolling bag and let the local taxi drivers whisk you away to your awaiting hotel for a hot shower and a cocktail before mealtime. Unfortunately, this expedition does not come with room service or unlimited free taxis- so the travel package of choice must be inherently portable on all types of terrain. Carrying a rolling bag is going to produce difficulties similar to this Miller Lite commercial. And, like in the commercial, you will most assuredly come across at least three equipped young gentlemen to laugh at your misfortune. Accordingly, a pack is the necessary outfitting here- comfortable, waterproof, durable, and most importantly, the right size to accommodate all necessary belongings (such as clothes, toiletries, food and water, phone, computer, and of course your collection of vintage porn magazines).
3. Foreign Language Phrase Dictionary: Preferably in the language of the country you are visiting, but in a pinch any language will do. I've had great success in the past speaking the wrong language but in the general accent of the language you wish to achieve. Try it with Spanish in an Italian accent or Portuguese in a French accent. Regardless of the language you choose, the most important thing is to be able to say common phrases such as "where is the bathroom?", "how much is this?", "please, thank you", "you are a very sexy lady, can I buy you a drink and another drink and a taxi to my hostel?", "don't you have anything stronger than a beer, I've got a hangover for christsake!", or "hello. my name is Inigo Montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die."
4. Jacket & Sleeping Bag: I combine these two items because of a single aforementioned imperative- the need for warmth. I have made this critical error once before while camping in Wyoming. When I embarked from North Carolina it was a balmy 90 degrees- certainly I wouldn't be needing a jacket in the middle of August... well except for the trivial and oft overlooked detail of topography. The temperature is generally colder the closer you get to the sun? Impossible! Nope, possible. Accordingly, it is critical to carry a warm comfortable (and preferably layered) jacket as well as a sleeping bag appropriate for a wide range of temperatures just in case you, like my ghost of camping past, are an idiot and forget that mountains are cold.
5. Computer: This serves three purposes. One, and most obviously, it allows you to keep in touch with friends and family members as well as former work colleagues to periodically remind them that you are still in fact no longer employed with the company and plan to continue to enjoy your transient retirement. Two, if you happen to have a travel blog with a litany (or in my case maybe just one) follower(s), it is important to have the necessary access to update them on all the interesting things you are doing- such as a photo of the muffin I ate for breakfast, or a recounting of my adventures visiting the most cliche of tourist attractions, or a description of the woes that befall me such a blister on my toe or getting rained on or waking up to a hobo licking my feet. Finally, and most importantly of course, you'll need a computer to access your backup archives should something unfortunate happen to your collection of vintage porn.
6. Beard: An underrated element to be sure, but one that should not be overlooked by the discerning traveler. A beard tells people several things. One, that you either don't own a razor or are too lazy to use it. Two, that you've likely been traveling for a while and are thereby a crafty seasoned traveling vet. Three, because of your presumed status, you are likely to order interesting foods and cocktails and know a host of obscure places to have an outstanding time. And finally, a beard tells people "this man has a story to tell" which will be immensely important when effectuating item 7 below. Also- beards will keep your face warm outside of your sleeping bag and can be shaved off in a pinch if you find yourself suddenly at odds with, and being pursued by, the authorities.
7. Passport and a Story: Perhaps the most quintessentially important thing you need for any trip abroad is a passport. For those unaware, a passport is a little book issued at a ridiculous fee over an excruciatingly long period of time by the government of your home country. It contains your name, picture, other various information about you, and most critically, usually prevents you from being detained, interrogated, strip searched, deported, or all of the above when you reach your foreign destination. Many so-called travel gurus will advise you to make copies of your passport and keep them both on you in paper form as well as accessible electronically should anything go awry. I also like to recommend having one, or several if you like, backup stories to tell to the authorities to help ease your transition into or out of a country. One of my old favorites for the southern coast of Spain is "I had volunteered as a spotter for pirates on a vessel providing relief supplies to war-ridden and famished African countries when our ship was raided and sunk off the coast of Dakar. I washed up somewhere near Mbour, Senegal without any of my belongings but was able to barter my way into a ride with a local fish merchant to El Jadida, Morocco by acquiring several large coconuts from the top of a precariously tall tree. After arriving in El Jadida I stowed away in a container ship bound for Cadiz and have made my way here on foot." Also, to add sympathy, it's never a bad idea to claim to have been delayed finding the embassy of your home country due to saving orphans from a burning building.
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