Saturday, June 9, 2012

Monaco: Mike Steele, the Man Who Broke the Bank (Machine) at Monte Carlo

Ever since I first heard of it, I've always had a little bit of a thing for Monaco. I'm not what it was that attracted me to it, the rich and famous, pictures of the massive yachts tied up all over the harbor, the history of motorsport, or the principality's general depiction in movies, shows, and books. Whatever it was, I always held Monaco in my mind as a glorious beacon of civility, refinement, and luxury. And after visiting, while it could never quite live up to my years-old internal hype, I must say that my preconceived impression more or less held up.

As I strolled around the streets of Monaco, I couldn't help but find myself humming Charles Coburn's classic The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo. Not only is it a great song but it's also one of my favorite scenes from Lawrence of Arabia; Lawrence is riding his camel solo through the desert and as he sings it the lines begin echoing back and forth across the canyon walls. Chilling. Anyway, unfortunately for me however, not only do I not have nearly enough money to attempt to break the bank at the famous Monte Carlo Casino (or even purchase the camel T.E. Lawerence was riding), but I wasn't even adequately dressed to walk through the front doors.

All of those mild setbacks aside, I did manage to break a bank machine along the Rue Grimaldi by attempting to request a meager 50 euros. Apparently the machine received my paltry request so indignantly that it not only rejected my card but then went into "machine temporarily out of service" mode. At least that's what I thought it was telling me since I can't read French... or Monacoan? In any event, I didn't get my 50 euros and subsequent to my request the machine was no longer operable.

The real reason I wanted to go to Monaco was not to break banks, machine or otherwise, but to see the infamous Formula 1 Grand Prix. I had originally planned to be in Monaco for the Grand Prix race itself. This, however, proved to be prohibitively expensive for yours truly- the unemployed man. And for the layman, the Monaco Grand Prix is something you do ONCE in your lifetime if lucky, since to do it more than once would certainly break your personal bank. That said, I decided if I'm going to do it, I want to do it up properly. Stay in the Hotel Paris or on a yacht, rock my tux with dinner jacket into the Casino Monte Carlo, spring for the hotel-rooftop Grand Prix tickets, and generally just embrace the extravagance. So, since I wasn't in a position to do that with my current finances, I decided to merely take a day-trip to Monaco from Nice in the week following the Grand Prix.

When I arrived the Grand Prix course was still up and the principality actually lets you walk it after the race is over. Be careful as most of the streets also have live traffic- i.e. you may want to stay behind the guard rails. Here is a shot from up the hill looking down on turn 1, Sainte Devote on the right with the Monaco port on the left half.


Since the entire course was available to walk, my first task was to stroll the roughly 2 mile track as it takes you by most of the main attractions of Monaco. I can say that the buildings overlooking the port area absolutely did not disappoint my years of conjured up anticipatory images of this place.


Obviously, the main attractions for most tourists to Monaco, aside from spotting the rich & famous and their yachts, are the Monte Carlo Casino and the Hotel Paris. Personally, I found the back of the casino more appealing than the main entrance.


Similarly with the Hotel Paris, the portion as you approach on the Avenue de Monte Carlo is immensely more impressive than the portion overlooking Casino Square (see flickr if you don't believe me).


Past the Casino Square is perhaps the most famous element of the F1 track, the famous Fairmont Hotel hairpin. Even though I've seen it on TV numerous times, I wasn't prepared for just how narrow and tight this turn is. It blows my mind to imagine cars designed to do well over 200 mph funneling down into that narrow hairpin...


...And then blasting back up to full speed in the tunnel only a few hundred meters away. It's insane.


That's what makes it one of, if not THE, pinnacles of motorsport. Walking this track you come to realize that Monaco really is the Kentucky Derby of motorsport. Or, perhaps, the Kentucky Derby is the Monaco of horse racing. Either way, these are special events that you absolutely need to see once in your lifetime. I mean, check out the view along the Piscine straight heading into the final turns before the start/finish straight.


So after this nice picturesque area you, in your custom built multi-million dollar racing car, round the last corners of La Rascasse and Noghes and then blast up the hill as fast as you can to the finish line. But what you probably would have missed going 200+ kmph is the Rue Princesse Caroline, which is a charming pedestrian-only street where you can get food, drinks, and otherwise cordial conversation at, of course, a modest price premium.


I stopped in for lunch here where the waiter and the couple next to me absolutely refused to allow me to sustain myself with anything less than a "Shangri-La" pizza and a half bottle of red wine. The Shangri-La pizza was a regular pizza but with the addition of blue cheese and chorizo sausage. Ok... And the red wine was well... let me be honest it was around 1pm and I had a hill to climb. I was in no mood for pounding local reds, however, what is it they say about being in Rome? And moreover, I didn't want to look more like a tourist than I already did.

As you might imagine, the food and wine were great (and relatively reasonably priced especially for Monaco), but I was a bit tipsy climbing the hill toward the Prince's palace. The good news was that the stunning views of the city sobered me right up- although from this picture you might not be able to tell- ha!


Walking around from the palace area provides you with some of the better views, parks, and overall sights of the principality. There are numerous gardens, a maritime museum in a historic building (the aptly-named Albatross), and of course great scenic views of Monaco. Perhaps my favorite part of Monaco was relaxing in a park on this hill, listening to some tunes, and collecting my thoughts. It's one of the few things you can do in Monaco for free.


So that looks pretty awesome in cloud cover. Imagine how spectacular that would look if it was perfectly clear and sunny. And yea, you have to apply to live in Monaco. And yea, you have to have a minimum of $1M in the banks to even be considered. Heh. Silly place really. Here is another shot of the streets near one of the train station entrances to give you a better idea of what everything looks like.


In all Monaco was cool for a day trip. But unless I was putting in my yacht, or was traveling there for the Grand Prix, or both, I wouldn't make Monaco a priority for a return trip. Aside from the glamor, glitz, and overpriced everything, there really isn't much of a draw for majority of people on this planet. I mean, I guess maybe if you have a custom-made tux in your closet and a few thousand euro burning a hole in your pocket...

Bonus Photo: one last look at the port from the far westernmost corner.


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